Why do we as career women continue to the hold on to the either or fallacy?
Forcing ourselves to make the choice of taking our career all the way to the top or having a personal life?
I will fight for any woman’s right to have her dream life – both outside and inside the office. Even when it is she who is standing in her own way.
Because it is very possible to achieve all of your goals – and you deserve it.
What’s An Either Or Fallacy?
An either or fallacy is a false belief that a situation has a limited number of alternatives. But in reality there are many options (American Psychological Association).
Women have spent centuries wholly excluded from the workplace.
Or restricted to certain roles (i.e., administrative).
And we now have access to and are exceling across all industries and disciplines.
Despite laws and organizational policies not being female- or family-friendly.
As I work with more and more ambitious career women, I’ve noticed a theme.
Many women understand and advocate for “having it all”. But their actions show a story of ‘forced choice’ they, not just others, expect of them.
A Brief Client Example
In my work with one of a senior leader in recent months, the either or dichotomy has come up repeatedly (Note: this summary is shared with her permission).
She was recently named the successor for a coveted c-suite position.
After working her entire career to get a shot at the senior executive level, it is now within reach.
But because she knows the demands of the role and is also a recent empty nester caring for elderly parents, she feels pressured to choose between work and home.
A classic either or situation for many working women.
Although our work together is ongoing, much of our time has been spent revisiting her definition of success, personal and professional goals, and career strategy.
To help my client make the best decisions for herself, I’ve had her repeatedly reflect on three questions.
- How will you measure the success of your life?
- How can you stop worrying about “balance” and start focusing on being present? In other words, how can you identify the aspects of your work and personal lives that mean the most to you and be present, rather than obsessing about the amount of time spent?
- If you couldn’t choose between the two options (either or), what’s the second best solution?
Her answers to all three continue to guide our work.
But the most noteworthy outcome so far has been the clients’ revelation that she didn’t have to force a choice between work and home. During our work together, her perspective has shifted from an either or choice as the successor, to a menu of options she never considered before.
And that with adjustments to how she works and how she manages her home life, she may be able to make it all work.
Final Thoughts.
Sometimes, having to make an either or career decision is inevitable.
But it is important to recognize when it is your own beliefs or habits forcing you into a corner.
Often, if you open yourself up to thinking about the situation a bit differently, you can get beyond the black and white to find solutions amidst the grey.
